Articles by His Excellency, the Swamp Fox


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Portraits of Saddlebrooks cause library disruption

A terrible raucous broke out in the Addlestone library Monday evening as the portraits of Darlene and Allen Saddlebrook, situated opposite each other in the center atrium, began a heated dispute that almost ended in tragedy. The argument, witnesses claim, was about Netflix. “I’m a big Gilmore Girls fan,” Darlene’s depiction shouted with a motionless expression on her…

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Entire Holy City arrested for presence of bell towers

In coordination with the recent crackdown on bomb-resembling clocks in Texas, the Charleston County Police Department has put the entire Charleston peninsula under arrest for its egregious, blatant display of time-telling bell towers and church steeples. The city-wide move was made after an anonymous caller complained of potential terrorist activity in the Charleston skyline, citing fear…

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